you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
