We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
