We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
