I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
