Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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