I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
