I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
