i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
