I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
