everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
