Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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