Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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