i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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