If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
