I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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