I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She's the barista slut.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
