Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
