Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
