yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
