tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
