I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
