he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
