My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
