i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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