my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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