I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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