i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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