I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
