Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I deserve this hangover.
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