I'm going to rape someone's good day.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
