I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
