My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
