so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
