What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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