I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
