Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
