Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
