insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
