Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
