Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
