Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
