Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
