well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
