i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
