You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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