just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
