How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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