I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
