I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
