My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
