some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
