Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you never un-have a 4some
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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