Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
